Please read the following Livejournal entry I posted; [link]

Thanks in advance


Proud member of;

We started driving at about 4pm, and only managed to reach the clinic at around 6:45pm due to traffic chaos EVERYWHERE! It was insane O.o

Had a nice chat with the vet concerning Duncan. She gave me a operation report, which holds all the info on what was done and such, a 'after-surgery' report, which holds notes on his condition each day and what was given to him during his recovery stay. Next to that we also received his new medication.

No results back on the biopsy reports, but we're waiting on those to see what has to be done from now on.

The specialist also made a very generous donation towards Duncan vet bills, which I really cannot thank her enough for. With her help, and ALL the help I received we should have the first stages covered, and perhaps even the treatments that are to follow.

Duncan is by no means fully recovered, but the vet felt it was safe enough to send him home and have him enjoy the comfort of his home, not to mention the smothering with love that will be going on.

What can I say.... I'll have to fall back on thanking ALL OF YOU again. This wasn't possible with all the help I received. And the support and well wishes, prayers and healing thoughts send to both Duncan and me kept me sane. Thank you all ever so much for this... Thank you

It's now nearly 10pm, and just under 30 minutes ago we arrive home. Duncan seems confused, but is doing okay. He spend some time staring into the living room, before finally crawling back into his sleeping bag.

Up next, the long road to recovery.

The specialist send me a update on Duncan, and a little video of him eating by himself! It's soooooooo good to see him again. It looks like he is going to make it.

Want to read a bit more? Visit my journal for the update AND the video!!
Go here; [link]

Thank you all... again and again, for the support and compassion! This wouldn't have been possible without you!

Well, last night was horrible. I couldn't sleep and the lunar eclipse wasn't visible from where I was. Most of the night was spend in prayer.. until finally I decided to take some calming things and try to sleep.

I woke up at 6am.. and tried to go back to sleep. Next time I woke up at 7:10am.. still turned over. Before my alarm went at 8am I headed downstairs and tried doing 'things'. Nothing seemed to really work.

9am eventually came, so I grabbed the phone and went to call the clinic to see how Duncan was doing. Engaged... figures.. just imagine all the other owners that are probably experiencing the same feelings as I am. 9:30 I decided to call again.. the phone had been engaged all morning.. and this time I told them I'd wait until the specialist was done with her phonecall.

I eventually got to speak to her. She said Duncan was being rather sluggish, and isn't as active as we would have hoped. We're hoping this is just because he's overwhelmed by the whole situation.. we'll have to wait and see.

She also asked me about the pendant.. she heard from some other ferret owner about the donation-running, and was asking if it came from me. I told her it was, and I think she was touched by the idea.

The rest of the day was spend trying to cast all the ordered pendants. It kept my mind off things, but I could only do so much of them before I needed to do something else. I went for a walk outside, along the forest edge... found Duncan's tracks from two days ago where we walked. I touched them.. and cried. I decided to take the car and head to the Nature Park instead.

I saw the otters, and when I reached the boar area it was labelled as 'area off-limits, do not enter'. I ran into one of the rangers and asked them what was going on. The culled the population last week or so, to give the female boars some rest from the younger males. I was trying to find out where the shot animals were, in hopes of perhaps being able to use parts, but it looks like everything was already gone.

It's odd. My mind is still going '8am, gotta feed Duncan, 4pm gotta feed Duncan 11pm, last time before going to bed'. Whenever my mind says it's that time I just look at the empty cage, and know I don't have to.

Gave the opened can of fresh meat to our house cat. The cat seemed to REALLY enjoy the fresh meats. It's good to see it won't be thrown away afterall. If and when Duncan comes back, I'll happily prepare new food for him.

Right now, I wish I could go to sleep.. and wake up at 8am... in time for the 9am call. I wish I could call more often.. but know the clinic is doing the best they can, and that they know what they're doing. Doesn't make things any easier though...

Next day

Well, I just got off the phone with Hanneke, the ferret specialist from the town of Helmond. Duncan had a little bit to eat last night, but threw up half of it. He's still sluggish, and still overwhelmed by everything. She doesn't like it, and wants to keep him over the weekend on close monitoring as well. She doesn't think he's going to die, but better safe than sorry.

She's right.

If he'd be able to come back home tomorrow, should he would relapse there is no way I could get to her in time. And even if I could, the weekend is her 'weekend' as well, and it is only spend looking after operated ferrets and her own family of course. Although this will kick up the costs yet again, it is the best decision. What am I saying, there is no decision, THIS is the only rightful choice to make.

I'll have to email the specialist today, that way she can send me a email on saturday to tell me how he's doing. I thought that was a wonderful personal gesture, and it just reassured me he is in the best hands possible.

With a bit of luck I may be able to take him home on monday. But again, we'll have to wait and see how Duncan feels that day. If he's feeling the same on monday as he is feeling today he won't be coming home yet. I pray he will be home soon.

The weekend will be a tough one to get through... I hope I can find some distraction in hiking, working... anything really. I have a photoshoot on the 23rd of February (gods.. that'll turn out glorious won't it?), and hopefully I'll be able to keep my cool. If not, screw them... "It's my 'arty'" comes to mind. On sunday I'll be driving to a taxidermy colleague of mine, whom has offered to relieve me of some of my commissions, which are running late. I'm VERY thankful for that.. another load off my shoulders.

Again I want to thank hose of you for the verbal support and the donations. Without all of your this operation wouldn't even have been possible, and chances are Duncan would have been doing much worse. With a little luck, the donations will keep coming in.. May this weekend be over quickly, and may my buddy return to me soon.

I miss you my baby

So this morning we drove to the city of Helmond in the Netherlands, a good 2 hours drive. Duncan was in his cage on the back seat, when he became very uncomfortable. Nervous and scared, he demanded to be let out of his cage. I opened the cage, picked him out of it, and held him close. He immediately relaxed, and spend the trip looking at cars, trucks and bridges that we passed, as well as sleeping on my lap every now and then. I know I shouldn't think it, but the thought of holding him like this for the last time crossed my mind so many times... 2 hours.. I was wishing I had more time.

Soon after arrival we were called in. Duncan wasn't happy, and knew this place well from previous visits. Taking blood was even harder than normal, but as usual he soiled himself because he was so scared. I was fighting back the tears during the examination, thinking if what I was doing was right...

We waited for the blood results to come back, and not too long after they did. Like previous times, she couldn't find anything unusual in the results, which alarmed her even more. She gave us two options; another medication treatment.. which may work for a day or two and then roll into relapse like it did last time, or a operation. Her preference went to the operation, but warned about the costs. She knows I'm having a hard time paying this, and told me that the operation would be 500,- euros minimum. I told her I was already running donations, and that they will help out immensely with trying to pay for this...

In the end, I finally let my arms down, and handed Duncan over to her capable hands.

I gave him his new sleeping bag to go with, the one Oma (my grandmother) made for him with love. She loves sowing little things for Duncan, and he loves everything she creates. I figured giving him a little piece of home would do him well.

I was starting to loose my fight of holding back the tears as the Duncan went through the door and out of sight. I kept reciting prayers in my mind to the gods and goddesses to watch over him, give him strength during this battle, make him comfortable and ease his pain... I also send him all my love and then some.

Upon finally stepping outside, empty handed, I lost it. I got very cold, broke down bawling and started shaking badly. My dad took over and drove me back to their place. The drive home was heartbreaking. A empty cage on the backseat.... He's in the best of hands in the country.. and yet it feels like I'm leaving him behind.

Back home the waiting game ensued. Waiting for that phonecall from the specialist when Duncan got out of surgery. My mother told me to always prepare for the worst, and so I was starting to spiral myself down into a panic attack again. It's funny how much impact such a animal, or any animal companion, can have on one's life. I decided to see what had happened over night and start working on any pendant commission that might have come in.

I was blown away...

Going through my friendslist the whole page was riddled with people sharing this attempt at trying to get my money sorted for this. A couple of pendants are ordered, and some donations without pendants have been made... all will help out immensely with dealing with the ever rising costs.

How much is a 'little' life worth?

That answer is simple to me... anything.. everything. I'd do anything to raise the money needed to pay for this... but I'd only go ahead with this if the specialist thinks it's worth doing. I want the best, even if that means letting him go..

Around 4pm I received the call on my mobile. Hanneke, the specialist was on the phone, informing me Duncan was coming around from the surgery. There was mixed news..

His spleen was 15cm in length, in other words huge, and was removed. Normally she wouldn't open a animal up just to remove this, but while she was 'there', she decided to take it out. His liver had 'growths' coming from all lobes, which could be cancerous or growths triggered by a previous illness, research will tell in time. She removed all she could find. The gal-bladder was filled with black liquid, and some small stones. She also cleaned that out. She also took a biopsy sample of the bowels.. all to be researched.

A very very costly operation, and even higher priced research to follow.. but it's worth it, even if I don't have it. I WILL get this together. It's the least I can do for Duncan. This may not fix his problems, but it will let me know what is going on. Whether this is chronic or not, I'm glad he came through the operation.

He needs 2 to 3 days of after care, but with a little luck I'll be able to bring him back home soon...

I'm crying whenever I read through the previous journal entry. The help is still coming in, and I can only hope it'll keep coming. I am touched by the wonderful support emails of well-wishes. I want to thank ALL of you, those that spread the word, offered advice and even donated to this cause. I can only pray the support will keep coming in, so we might be able to deal with ALL the bills AND the research that has to be done from here on.

We're not out of the woods yet... but it looks like we may have found a useful map.

There are those that would like to donate outside PayPal to a bank account. If you wish, you can donate to my father's bank account in the Netherlands, please contact me for those details.

And again, for those wishing to buy a pendant, they are $25 per piece, but if you wish to donate more that is also possible. Shipping is $5 for Europe and $10 for the rest of the world.

If you want to buy a pendant, you can send your donation through PayPal to my email address (graywolf_howl [at] hotmail [dot] com). Please put 'Duncan Donation' in the subject line.

Thank you all... without you all this wouldn't even have been possible. Keep spreading the word so it may reach any that might be able to help.